Introducing...

So here's my new layout--it's a modification of the Divalicious skin for blogger (check out the links at the bottom of the page to support the original coder, please). Hope you like it!

Change is in the Air

The winds of change & boredom have come and blown my goddam hat off. That means that...it's blog redesigning time! please bear with me as I mess around with everything.

Check out my tumble log here.

An Affliction?

Friends, I come to you with a grave message. It has taken me almost three days to come to terms with this discovery, and here it is: I seem to be turning French Canadian. Yes, I know what you're thinking. And the answer is no, that's disgusting, why did you do that? But back to the point.
I have found myself uttering "y'know," "ach," and even "eh" more than I use typical American superfluous words suck as "like" and "uh." However, I ask for you not to weep for me. I accept this changing of lexicon as a sign from the great one (Wayne Coyne) to tell me that, come what may, I'll at least sound closer to Scottish than I did, which is awesome.
So fear not, readers--I shall survive.

Goodbye, eh?

Google Sky

Google (you've probably heard of 'em) has just launched Google Sky--a map of the sky. I suggest that everyone check it out, there's some awesome stuff up there.

Vermont Towns Indict Bush

This is the best thing in the world. I don't know how the hell they expect to enforce this, but it's awesome nonetheless.

read more | digg story

"I desire to go to hell and not heaven. In the former place, I will enjoy the company of popes, kings, and princes, while in the latter only beggars, monks, and apostles."
-Niccolò Machiavelli

Shut Up and Kiss

Here’s another statistic for all y’all: the average person spends 18 months of his/her life on the telephone. To put this in perspective, those same average people spend two years having sex, and two weeks kissing . This seems amazingly messed up to me. We kiss for a mere 336 hours (ever), yet talk on the phone for roughly 12,096 hours? What the hell! People! Get off your goddamn phones, grab the nearest person/pet/doll, and start kissing! Jesus Christ, we are a world of talkative losers! I don’t care what the hell you were talking about on the freaking phone, just shut up and smooch! I’m not letting you back on the phone until you’ve all kissed for at least two years! 16,128 hours! Preferably more, but that at least puts kissing and sex on even ground. That’s right, we talk on the phone for six months less than we have sex, ever, at all. This is a world of terrible sorrow.
To make this worse, 30,000 Americans are inured by toilets each year, 55,700 are inured by jewelry, people over 50 will spend an average of one year looking for lost junk, and the average human produces 50,000 pints of spit in a lifetime. This is what we’re spending our time doing? Getting injured by toilets & pearls, looking for our keys, and producing spit? Gaaaaa!!! Life is terrifying!
I don’t even want to know the time that people spend watching television (okay, yes I do: eight freaking years. 64,512 hours. People are lazy and evil) or playing darts (although, darts are fun), as opposed to something like giving foot rubs or saving Siberian tigers or some shit. Seriously, folks. Step up your game.


(As a side note, the little lump of flesh just forward of the ear canal and immediately next to the temple is called a “tragus”)

The Dreamtime

Did you (whoever you are) know that the average person has 1,460 dreams a year? It takes about 3 hours for a dream to truly be a dream (i.e. that the brain has fully engaged in REM), so that means that 4,380 hours a year are spent in dreamtime. Because we’re working with averages, let’s assume that a waking day and sleeping night are each 12 hours. That’s exactly half of our life spent dreaming.
Segue from that into some real crazy shit. What if our dream consciousness is truly just an inverse of our waking consciousness? What if the life we lead in our dreams is as real as the waking life, just really fucked up? This seems kind of plausible to me, but I had a dream a few nights ago that I had a rubber band gun that shot those cardboard cutouts that you see at movie theaters, but the cutouts were of political figures as well as actors (Arnold Schwarzenegger and Louis Farrakhan both starred. Seriously!), and it‘s hard for me to accept that this was part of a serious reality. Although, maybe that’s it. Maybe it isn’t serious at all. Maybe it’s just consensus reality pulling a hilarious joke that I don’t get.
Whatever.